By Braddock of Love Systems, with Nick Savoy

Have you ever met someone great, gotten their phone number, but it never seemed to turn into a date?

Recently, Nick Savoy, President of Love Systems, Inc., wrote an article and recorded a podcast for mytreo.net to introduce what he calls “dating science.” He explored techniques taught by his twenty instructors at one of the most successful social coaching companies in the world. Nick’s instructors and methodology were recently featured on Dr. Phil, Keys to the VIP, Fox News and a host of other top shows (see media section).

Thanks to popular culture, women are bombarded with strategies for attracting men. Widely read magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Allure, Vanity Fair and Glamour are arsenals of ideas. As a result, women are generally comfortable talking freely among themselves about attraction. Men, however, have few good sources for information, and are discouraged from discussing the subject matter, which for them can be considered taboo.

While Love Systems is mainly in the business of supplying men with the information about how to succeed with women, there are social techniques that apply to both genders. This article is written with men in mind. However, we hope regardless of your gender you will find it entertaining and useful.

Since mytreo.net is a community of people who own smartphone devices with qwerty keyboards, we decided to explore with you an area of flirting appropriate to the technology -- text messaging. Texts are tremendously powerful for interacting.

Want to substantially increase the likelihood a woman you have met will go on a date? This article will show you how. The Love Systems approach is based on evolutionary psychology and social dynamics, and has applications beyond dating science.

Here’s what we’ll be covering:

• Why don’t some phone numbers lead to dates?
• Text message bridges
  1) Re-initiate mutual contact
  2) Increase the frequency and intensity of communication
  3) Maintain or build attraction
  4) Maintain or build comfort
  5) The other side of the bridge
• Damage control
• Related Links

Why don’t some phone numbers lead to dates?

Let’s say you see a very attractive woman at a restaurant waiting for her friends. Using our techniques, you approach her, attract her, and then get her phone number so you can “go out sometime”. At that moment, she genuinely would “go out” with you “sometime”…

…but it doesn’t always turn out that way.

Going out “sometime” is different from going out Thursday night (which is why, as we’ve discussed elsewhere, this is a bad way to get a woman’s phone number). To see her “sometime” all you have to do is be more interesting than doing nothing. That’s a pretty low standard. She can agree to that. And, if she has nothing else to do, she might actually see you. However, most desirable women rarely have “nothing else to do”. For her to go on a date, you need to be more interesting than anything else she could be doing, like friends, hobbies, work, or relaxing at home. Or any other man she met that night - if you noticed her, other men did too. She likes all of the attention and flirting, but she doesn’t have time to go on 9 dates this week.

Even if she did, many desirable women would still hesitate to answer your call, even if she was attracted to you when you first met. There are many possible reasons for this – some will apply to some women and some situations more than others:

• Safety concerns. Especially if she doesn’t know you that well or you don’t know people in common.
• Fear of social awkwardness. If she doesn’t know you that well, she may wonder if the two of you will really “click”. Even if she has no reason to think that you wouldn’t, not being sure that you would can be enough for some women to avoid a date that might be awkward or uncomfortable.
• Analysis. Why are you asking her out if you didn’t meet for very long? Are you desperate? Are you a player?
• Timing. You don’t know what mood she’ll be in when you call or what she’ll be doing. After just one meeting her commitment to meeting up again can be pretty fragile, and if you don’t get a hold of each other soon, memories and emotions dissipate. You lose value and emotional momentum (both of these concepts are explained in Magic Bullets but should be understandable in context) with every unreturned voicemail.

Naturally, the best way to deal with this is to make as strong an impression as possible in your first meeting. Most of what we teach on our Love Systems Bootcamps revolves around this, in order to lead to a more intimate situation the same day or to a date that won’t fall through, depending on the situation and your preferences. But sometimes you can’t do this – like in the above example when her friends are about to arrive and take her to dinner. So that’s why we created the “bridging” technique – to get from a situation where a woman might have a low commitment to meeting up again to where the two of you are on a date.

The lower her commitment, the more important these bridging techniques. In contrast, if you were introduced to this woman by a mutual friend, and spent a few sober hours really getting to know each other, asking each other every question under the sun, spending time alone, kissing, and making plans to see each other, she would likely be highly-committed to seeing you again. In such situations, you can usually just go ahead and call. However, we will often still use bridging techniques because A) sometimes we might err and think a woman is more committed or less flaky than she turns out to be B) they won’t hurt.

Some of these techniques may seem like overkill. Often they are unnecessary, since many women will happily answer the phone and make plans. However, they are important for a couple of reasons. If you meet someone special, it’s worth doing the work just in case – increasing the odds of getting her out from “very good” to “near certain” is significant. Second, many of us got involved in dating science because we wanted to do “better” and to have more options than we normally would. What might be overkill when meeting the type of woman who might be attracted to you anyway can be crucially important when meeting a stunning, intelligent, fun, and sexy woman who attracts powerful and successful men wherever she goes.
Text message bridges

OK, let’s get into the meat of the system. Text message bridging has five major components:

1) Re-initiate mutual contact
2) Increase the frequency and intensity of communication
3) Maintain or build attraction
4) Maintain or build comfort
5) The other side of the bridge

1) Re-initiate mutual contact

After you meet a woman, use a text to re-initiate contact instead of a phone call. Texts don’t require much commitment. People sometimes don’t answer their phones or listen to their voicemails, but everyone reads their text messages. You don’t want to worry about her mood or her schedule when you text; if she’s not free, she’ll read it when she is. And it takes far less commitment on her part to return a text message than it does to answer the phone or return a call.

Send your first message within 24 hours of meeting her, 48 hours at the most. This ensures that she remembers as much as possible from your first meeting and that the good emotions she feels toward you don’t dissipate. This is especially important with younger women with a more intense social schedule who meet a lot of people.

Your first text is crucial. She has to respond and it has to point the two of you in the right direction. The best way to do this is to use callback humor. We talked about callback humor in both the original article and the podcast – it’s not a huge part of the overall Love Systems methodology, but since we’ve been focusing on smartphones and phone numbers, it’s something we’ve had a chance to go into a lot of detail about.

Callback humor involves recalling topics, ideas, generalities, social or geographic stereotypes relating to your original conversation that you can twist into a joke. (Advanced men will actually deliberately “seed” the initial conversation with opportunities for callback humor – again, see Savoy’s original article.)

For example, Braddock recently met Katie, a banker. During the initial meeting he teased her about her supposedly evil corporate ways. So his first text drew on this:

• “Katie the banker! Don’t stay out too late, you have to be up early to foreclose on that orphanage of blind kids, you’ll need to be fresh!! : ) -Braddock”

Another night, Braddock met Julie. Among other things, they talked about relationships and pet peeves. They agreed that they both hate clinginess and the words “cuddle” and “snuggle”. So Braddock followed up with:

• “Nice meeting you Julie. Let’s get together for a “snuggle” session ASAP! -Braddock”

If you’re stuck, then A) plan to introduce subjects for callback humor next time and B) for now, send something simple like “Nice to meet you [name]. Have a good night. –[Your name].”

Always sign your name on the first text. It avoids the “who is this?” text message response, which costs emotional momentum. (of course, if you read Savoy’s earlier article, you’d know to program your number into her phone – ideally with callback humor already embedded – so this shouldn’t occur)

Take things one step at a time. Don’t try to get her to meet up in the first text message. Don’t try to build comfort, or build attraction. These all come later in the conversation. Right now it’s just about getting on the map. Message her and get her to reply. Now communication has been established and you can go from there.

As a side note, when you read sample text messages in this article, it’s kind of like reading a screenplay. Without a lot of experience and intuition, it’s hard to get a good sense of how a given message will work. A lot of dating science is counter-intuitive, and human attraction does not work the way it does in TV or movies. Even so-called experts are not in bars, clubs, restaurants, parks, coffee shops, and lounges interacting with the most beautiful women there day after day. A lot of what we do can seem hokey or silly. But we do it because it works. So stay open-minded and let your only be judge how well these techniques work in the real world..

2) Increase frequency and intensity

The goal is to build her commitment level to meeting up with you again by increasing and frequency and intensity of your conversation. Keep the conversation moving forward by making statements instead of asking questions as much as possible. Questions put her on the spot and repeated questions risk putting her in defensive “interview mode” which isn’t exciting or attractive. Keep any questions so light and simple that if she didn’t answer, it’s not like she’s blowing you off, and don’t ask too many boring yes or no questions. Going through Braddock’s sent items folder on his phone, we can see some examples of good early text messages:

• “How did your project turn out? Did they give you a raise or at least give you a small army of interns to boss around?”
• “Just saw the news. Chi town - 20! Let me guess, beach volleyball today?”
• “Did you know a blue whales tongue weighs as much as an elephant!? That’s ridiculous… Gotta love animal planet during the lunch break…”

Stay away from things that can end a conversation or lose her attraction for you. Usually this will happen if you do something that assumes a higher commitment level than she actually has. For example:

• Rushing to make plans: “I’m so glad we met! I’ve never met a girl like you.” Or even “I hope your trip to Chicago was great!!! I want to hear all about it. I would love to see you when you get home. Do you have plans Friday when you get home?”

3) Building Attraction

Presumably, she was attracted to you when you met, but this dissipates over time. You can’t build a ton of attraction in text messages but you can build some, and, more importantly, you can use texts to bring her attraction levels back up to the level where you first met and you can maintain it there. In Magic Bullets we identify and explain the eight most universal “attraction switches” – things that most women will be attracted to (Health, Social Intuition, Humor, Status, Wealth, Pre-selection, Confidence, and Challenging). But that’s a general guide, not a specific plan for an individual woman, so use your knowledge of her and her personality to calibrate to her.

Attraction is built emotionally, not logically. Through text messaging, it’s best done with light-hearted messages that assume a level of familiarity, contain wit or humor, and are flirty without making her uncomfortable. Some good elements to include are:

• Role plays
• Random childish jokes
• Light sexual teasing or misinterpretation
• Funny or teasing pet names
• Invoking commonalities you found when you met (this also builds comfort, see below)

We don’t have time to cover all of these in detail (and it’s not an exhaustive list anyway), but let’s go through a couple of examples. Role play is a powerful technique. When Braddock met Claire, he found out that she was from San Diego. Among other things, they talked about the movie Anchorman. So even a silly text message like “I’m Ron Burgundy, I’m kind of a big deal” made her laugh and boosted her attraction.

It’s not just one-liners either. Sometimes the attraction or humor comes from the back-and-forth. Returning to example of Katie the Banker, we can see this attraction-building conversation:

Braddock: “Are you stealing pennies from the elderly or telling Tiny Tim’s dad that he has to work an extra shift. You know this could be Tim’s last Christmas…….”
Katie: “Who is tiny Tim?”
Braddock: “Wow….missed the scrooge reference?!? Minus 3 cool points….”
Katie: “Ohhhhh….wait!!! Now I remember the Christmas movie. Not fair, Tiny Tim threw me off.”
Braddock: “They let retards play with people’s money!?!? Hmmm…. What bank do you work at again? Ok, back to work. Talk to you later brat. : )”

You still want to be unpredictable and challenging enough to keep her interested. Don’t always send long replies, don’t always reply quickly, and don’t always be funny. Varying how and when you reply helps build value and scarcity. It will make her feel like she has to earn you. But be careful with this one, and don’t ruin a good situation by playing too many games. You can’t technically see her face, body language, or hear her voice tonality to truly know how she is reacting to this.

Don’t try to impress her through text messages. Trying to thread a bunch of information that you assume will make her like you more, often has the opposite effect.

4) Building Comfort

In addition to maintaining and building attraction, you need to maintain and build comfort. This is actually easier, since building comfort is as much about what you don’t do as what you do. In general, just act like a positive, non-threatening environment in her life. As long as your conversation is going well, time and communication will build and maintain comfort for you.

Some of the things that break her comfort with you include:

• Trying to make plans with her too early. This might make her feel pressured (which isn’t a comfortable feeling) and on the spot.
• Being too predictable. This affects attraction as well. If you always respond to her messages right away and are clearly trying too hard, this might make her uncomfortable. Generally, a woman will want to be at least a little bit of a challenge.
• Responding negatively when she shows low commitment. Some women may be interested but still don’t always reply or will still send short responses. If you become angry or needy, that diminishes comfort. Don’t react to low commitment behavior by apologizing for making jokes and/or asking what you did wrong. A woman wants a man who is centered and not dependent on her approval or putting her on a pedestal, especially early on. Always stay positive and unaffected.
• Implying that she is much more committed than she actually is. Assuming some familiarity is great, but avoid early texts that are overly sweet, or overly nice. In addition to killing sexual tension, attraction, and any suspense that she might be feeling about how interested you are, such messages can make her very uncomfortable. Be real, and don’t try to trade kindness for her approval or affection. For example, stay away from a text like: “I just walked past the most beautiful rose garden. It reminded me of you. You had a rose pattern on your skirt last Saturday right? Hope you are having a wonderful day.” Most women would think this is creepy and that the man is reaching too hard to try to find commonalities. Even “did you get home safe?” won’t help you unless it’s in a context in which you would ask that of any close friend.

Light, fun text messages that add to her day without making her feel pressured create comfort. Here are a couple of examples – there’s nothing special about them in themselves; just get a sense of the general pattern:

• “Next coworker, who feels it necessary to smugly inform me, (unsolicited I might add) that their 3rd grader made the honor role, is getting a body slam, followed by the peoples elbow! How’s your day?”
• “What’s up crazy? [or suitable nickname] Just saw a guy walking an English bulldog like you said you wanted. That poor thing was hideous. What are you thinking?!” [obviously only if she said she wanted an English bulldog]

5) The other side of the bridge

Obviously, you’re not going to get anywhere in the long-term by sending low-commitment texts back and forth. The point of this is to get her on a date. With experience and intuition, you’ll start to see patterns and know when the moment is ripe. In the meantime, you can test her commitment level without too much risk by using a technique we call “baiting”. The bait is usually a non-specific or low-pressure text about the two of you meeting up. It’s like touching a woman’s arm in conversation. If she is interested, she’ll respond. If not, you haven’t lost any ground and can keep working from where you are. Baiting is not taking a shot in the dark to see if she goes for it.

For example, here are some examples of non-specific invitations. The [random content] means that you have something – anything – in that slot so the whole text isn’t the invitation. Any of the examples of good text messages that we’ve already seen would make good [random content] here and the non-specific invitation can be tacked onto the end:

• “[Random content]”, let’s get together next week...”
• “[Random content]”, if we don’t hang out soon then I’m going to start cheating on you”
• “[Random content]”, tell your interns to pencil me in for next week or I’m putting “single” back up on facebook”

If you’re sensing that commitment is especially low and you’re not really improving things very quickly in text, you can start baiting with lower-intensity plans. The classic formula is “you guys should meet us out”. She doesn’t have to be alone or invest a lot to make these kinds of plans happen, and they’re more likely to actually take place especially with a woman with a very busy social schedule and lots of male attention. Remember, we’re not trying to make a woman fall in love over text message – real gains happen in person. The object is to get her out so we have a chance to connect with her. And if she doesn’t end up coming out, you don’t really lose anything – you just invited her and her friends to something you were (in theory) doing anyway and for all she knows you invited lots of friends. Here are some more examples. You can still use [random content] to lead in to these, but it’s not necessary so we’ll take it out of our examples:

• “We are going to be at X bar, you and your friends should stop by.”
• “Sara, we are going to be at X bar Friday night. Your mission if you choose to accept it is to show up between the hours of 11pm and 2am. This message will self destruct in 30 sec!!! Hope to see you there….”
• “Sara! X bar Friday night! Be there or we are breaking up and I’m not taking you back this time……I’m signing the divorce papers and fighting for full custody”

Baits should never be overly specific or imply a rejection if she doesn’t say yes or come out. For example:

• “What are you doing later?”
  
• “Hey Sara. How are you? I’m going to X bar Saturday with some friends. Would you like to come? It’s going to be fun.”

Damage Control

Some situations are harder than others and sometimes you will feel like you’re not getting anywhere. Some men who feel a situation flipping through their fingers will make the fatal mistake of trying to reel her back by texting more and/or longer texts. Do not ever text from the frame, “I need to correct my mistake.” Think back to a time when a woman chased you when you weren’t giving her any encouragement? Remember how you lost attraction for her? Remember how you could feel her desperation and it made you want to make her squirm even more? Once things start going downhill, it’s really hard to turn them around. Even “good” texts at this point just come across as try-hard or like you're supplicating.

If it’s not working, stop the bleeding. Stop sending her messages. If it was a minor mistake, than just stop texting her for a day or two and give her time to forget about it. Then send her something light in a few days and pretend like it never happened. Never text her asking if you messed up, or apologize assuming you did something wrong if you didn’t, or try too hard to be overly funny or say “just kidding” incessantly.

Some women just don’t like texting. In such situations, call her.

Related Links

Hopefully this gives some idea on how more phone numbers can be turned into dates, and ideally sparked your curiosity about Love Systems and our techniques. We wanted to close by listing a few good resources to learn more about us:

• Magic Bullets – our flagship book that gives a full overview of our system. Written by Nick Savoy.
• The Love Systems Routines Manual – hundreds of specific stories, games, openers, and things to say or do in virtually any situation, with an analysis of each. These are word-for-word the things we actually use when meeting women.
• The Attraction Forums – a free online message board for the dating science community
• The Love Systems’ insider – our free weekly online study. Go to our home page and look for the sign-up box in the top-left hand corner.
• The Love Systems website – take a look around to see bios of our instructors, descriptions of our training programs, our free publications library, instructors’ blogs, and so on.

And of course feel free to send us questions or comments. We can be reached at Savoy AT LoveSystems DOT com and Braddock AT LoveSystems DOT com.

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